Wince and Repeat

In the path of self discovery, or self improvement, at some point we must realize that our egos have completely taken over and are holding us back. This is no more relavant than in what I call "wince and repeat" scenarios.

The most notorious of course is politics, i.e. the raging war of Liberals vs. Conservatives. Our egos tie us to one party or another for various (and sometimes logical) reasons. Once we are on "the team", ego takes over and justifies all arguments, thus making us 'right' and THEM 'wrong'. The more we drink of this toxic potion, the more we believe in the righteousness of our side and the more the other side is wrong. We rail against them, agreeing with the pundits (who are making a very good living telling us the sky is falling) that our world of freedom is coming to an end unless we enact our beliefs into law and repeal theirs. Everything bad that happens is because of them (it is all Bush's fault, or Clinton was the one forcing the banks to give loans to people who couldn't pay them back, etc.) and we have all the answers. Another round of elections, wince and repeat.

Another fine, and more personal, example is marriage, or relationships. Time and time again we find fault with the other. "He doesn't listen to me", "she doesn't understand me", "she's smothering me", "he's doesn't tell me how he feels". Then once one partner intentionally or not hurts or angers the other, egos envelope the home. The silent treatment, the yelling and arguing, the intentional jabs aimed at retaliation, the hurt. In the end, we always find that the reason we can't get along, the reason we cannot communicate, is because we continue to visit our own beliefs (read egos here) on our partner. Stop for a minute and think about the last time you felt like your partner was being selfish. If you'll have an open mind (egoless mind) for a minute, you'll realize that it was really YOU who was being selfish. The fact that she wanted you to do something with her is only trumped by the fact that you really wanted to do something else. You think she is being selfish when in fact it is you that is really being selfish. All our thoughts (especially negative) about others is merely us projecting our egos on them. They are a mirror reflection of us. Go ahead, tell me I'm wrong. See? Wince and repeat, spouses.

The next day you are at work, see if you can eavesdrop or stand in a conversation between two other people (at the watercooler, so to speak) about how their weekend went. It will go something like this; "Yeah, we went to the Wine Festival and bought 3 cases of wine, then had dinner at Morton's." (other person) "We go to Morton's all the time, although this weekend we went out and bought a new boat. 36 footer, she's beautiful. It'll be delivered this week." (1st person) "You should come over and have a glass of wine sometime." (other person) "Bring some this weekend and come out on the boat with us." Each persons conversation is all about themselves, their egos trying to elevate each person. It's even worse when we're talking about our children, each person taking turns on the bragging podium.

Think about your future plans, or your intentions. What kinds of things do you want to do? Is there something you dream about that you keep looking towards but you never seem to get any closer? Are you stuck at a certain level in your career? Now list all the reason why that may be so. Go ahead, I'll wait ...
Now look at your list and realize that everything there is probably directed at some outside source or is stating an outside obstacle to your dream. Now I'll tell you the real reason you don't get what you really want. Ready? Look in the mirror. Yes, it's you. Stop! Don't start with your logical thinking, breaking down your argument that says it's not true. That's your ego - it's very creative and very good at convincing you that you are a victim. Here is the fact. You do not have the power to change anything in this world but yourself. Fact. However, you will find if you can control your ego and actually change yourself, your world will change in it's relation to you. Which in turn means you can change the world. The man in the mirror. Or, wince and repeat. Your choice.